I’m stuck

I’m stuck in a three hour break between classes so I’ll just hang around here and write, I have nothing to do and there’s not enough time to go home and get back here again on time.

As time slowly pass, I stay here bored to death... feeling sorry again for mistakes made long ago. Time is completely still, I sometimes feel I’ve been in this state forever. I was again asked for a paper I didn’t do.... and pretty much everyone must know by now, I’m here just by pure moral obligation.

I don’t know why I am so tired, if actually I haven’t read a single text or wrote a single word for a class. 

It’s waking up so early that’s killing me slowly. I just can’t wake up early, it’s not in me, it makes my system fail, my mind is always tired, my imagination cloudy and my spirits down.

Besides getting up early, it’s unbelievably painful to spend all the boring classes and free time, thinking constantly how much it sucks to be completely alone. With no one to care about, with no one that cares about me. It sucks it really sucks.... and to make it worse, I keep reliving again and again, old acquaintances and I can’t get out of my head… maybe I had been nicer or cooler, I wouldn’t be in such a miserable position.

I need urgently a new notebook, so I have somewhere to take notes of everything I have to do… And a sharpie, so I don’t have to turn the house upside down every time I need to label a cd.

I still have 45 minutes left, so I’ll just keep writing until its time... I wonder if will there ever be day where I’m not going to feel like this and be able to carry a normal life. I will always be sad even when I’m studying, working or doing nothing at all. I was depressed during my 3 month vacation, but what I’m living here back in collage is ten times worse. I don’t know if I’ll ever find a job where I just can stay home all I want and do nothing... I know it sounds like I’m lazy, and maybe that right, but when I’m doing mandatory work, I collapse and start to feel like dying and leaving.