“Why stay sane in a sick world?”

I feel… grossed out with me; I feel… sickened by all the things I’ve done.

I feel… useless, not being able to fix it; 

I feel… helpless not knowing someone to share all of this with.

I’ll fail, I know I will… I just can’t make it. I’m not good enough, I was not born well enough… I can’t grow into being good enough.

I want to rest, rest, from all this nonsense, rest from words, and rest from thoughts. I want to rest from myself, from failure, from dreams, from pressure.

I lied… I am more active in the late afternoons than in the morning.

I wish I was high, so there could be an explanation for doing this, for writing this. But there’s not.

I’m alone in a small filthy room and I am too short to reach the doorknob and get out. I’ve been there for ages, forever. I learned things, but then I forget them, I know I’m short, I know I can’t reach it, I know it’s impossible for me, no one’s there to give me had… no one’s there to lift me, no one’s there to do it for me…. “Do it for me” I’m so weak

There’s not a single drop of hope; not a whisker of joy… just nothing, just me, there forever, trapped, confused, in the dark, I know the world outside, I understand it… but I can’t live in it.

I don’t get people.

It’s so ridiculous, it’s almost pathetically funny.

“Why stay sane in a sick world?” 

(15 days late)

Thought I didn't give damn 'bout what they say, But I do

I promised that I'd never ever lie to you... 

(32 days late)

Interior

Interior                      

It sheds a shy solemnity,
This lamp in our poor room.
O grey and gold amenity,--
Silence and gentle gloom!
Wide from the world, a stolen hour
We claim, and none may know
How love blooms like a tardy flower
Here in the day's after-glow.
And even should the world break in
With jealous threat and guile,
The world, at last, must bow and win
Our pity and a smile.

1926

The legend tells that:

At noon on April 26, 1932 Hart Crane yelled, "Goodbye everyone," and jumped off the deck of the S. S. Orizaba to voluntarily submit to death in some undetermined point off the Florida coast.

In this way he put the end to the most heartbreaking of his texts his own life.