Tuesday, July 13, 2010

May my death be fruitful. And force the meditation. So that those who can, learn the lesson.

From the suicide letter of Miguel Ángel Quevedo. Cuban Editor, Shot himself while living in exile  in Venezuela. 

We were all guilty. Everyone. By action or omission. Old and young. Rich and poor. Black and white. Honored and thieves. Virtuous and sinners. Of course, we still had to learn the incredible and bitter lesson: that the most "virtuous" and the most "honored" were the poor.

I die disgusted. Alone. Outlaw. Exiled. And betrayed and abandoned by friends to whom I generously gave my moral and financial support in very difficult days. [...] All dehumanized and cold abandoned me in "the fall".

May my death be fruitful. And force the meditation. So that those who can, learn the lesson. [...]And for the people to reconsider and repudiate those spokesmen of hatred, whose fruits we have seen could not be more bitter.

We were a people blinded by hate. And we were all victims of that blindness. Our sins weighed more than our virtues. We forgot Nuñez de Arce when he said:

"When people forget their virtues, it's a tyrant in its own vices."



Friday, July 9, 2010

Mourning a past that never was

Mourning a past that never was, is one of the main reasons I’ll never be happy. I can sit hours thinking and dwelling on what-if's, maybe-if-I-had’s and I-wish-I-would-have. I even day dream constantly, to the point of having to sit down an just do nothing else, about the possibility of just going back in time, with all this knowledge I have now of the things I’ve lived, and be 10 again... and just do all those things I know I should have done.
I forgot today to sign up for the subject I’m taking in collage... and I’m screwed... I’ll probably end up having a nightmare of a schedule... I don’t want to be early in the mornings again... but seems like I have no choice... I can hear already my mom’s lecture on the subject... "But if you are not doing anything! How can you forget to do something... when you have absolutely nothing else to do?”
I think bisexuality should be considered from now on as the perpetual state of sexual confusion.
I feel anxious… and anxiety goes hand in hand with depression...
I keep having dreams about people from school. Gosh, why, I don’t want to think about school anymore.

(20 days late)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The end of our elaborate plans

"This is the end, beautiful friendThis is the end, my only friendThe end of our elaborate plansThe end of everything that standsThe end
No safety or surpriseThe endI'll never look into your eyes again" 
- Marilyn Manson