I had this dream...

I had a dream...

I was at home watching TV, my mom was around, and then I noticed the building in front of the window was burning. And there were children, very young children, babies even... some were wearing costumes.

Then for no reason, their mothers started to push them down the window, I went down, to try to catch them, I only caught one.... there were more people trying too, but children and babies kept hitting the floor.

there was no blood, but the crash was shocking enough.... then it all stopped, and I noticed a small tiny, ugly baby that I thought to be dead, and despite that I tried to pick her up, and then she woke up.... a doctor then brought a weird trans lucid staff as some sort of resource to keep her alive...

I woke up, and went to class... I didn’t tell anything to anyone.

(6 days late)

Alone

As a flashback, yesterday at lunch I remembered, a three day field trip I did with my schoolmates in sixth grade, it had been buried in my mind for a long time...

It was a cute 12 years old, with some serious problems... I would not let myself be happy, and when I knew of that trip, there was no exception. I didn’t want to go and I made a boring face the entire trip... yet what I remember most about that experience was my rush on Cloud 9 and how I was always trying to be with her...

I also remember the other boys in my class... they were very happy. I remember Simon... he was so extroverted, and care free... I remember him being pushed into the pool and being totally soaked. I remembered how girls looked at him (geez, how pathetic is this getting). Anyway, I did get to spend a big deal of time with the girls and my "friends".

I also remember we went rafting, and I didn’t want to do it... and they practically forced me to do it... it was great of course. It was an opportunity. There in that trip I could have done stuff… kissed her. Jump in.

My point here is, how many times have I had great opportunities and by some reason not make them a great experience. Am, I just too dull to be happy...

why couldn’t I be excited about stuff, y couldn’t I be eager to do things that are so much fun...why am I alone, when there has been so many people in my life that could make it so much better.

Why am I alone... all the time?

The truth is that I’ve had all the material to have written myself a great happy life, I’ve had the opportunities the people, the experiences, yet all I seem to make put of them is something to be forgotten.

I learned my parents met in a funeral, how Goth is that? I was born in kind of wealthy opus die family, I’m a Virgo... I went to one of the most exclusive special schools in the country, it was hidden in the mountains and had river by its side.

I had the chance to be in a classic British boarding school for a glorious summer, I visited most rural places in my country, my family owns a retired country house in the middle of nowhere surrounded by mountains, with every luxury u can imagine...

I have twin sisters, that are into-Goth-metal. I love design.

The first book I read was "the riders of eternity"... I’m into superheroes, I’m into magic... I had a Saint Seiya - Pokémon- Harry Potter packed schooldays....

I went to one of the oldest tradition schools in the country (350yrs old... and it’s also right next to a cemetery). I have fallen in crush-love with a girl and with a boy.... I have car I can’t drive and a computer in my room.

I‘ve been into the DC Universe since I can remember, I love to write, and I’ve been writing a book for a year and a half... and I’m still on the first chapter. I have imaginary friends, I believe in god...

Yet now... that my life has gone where it’s supposed to go... I am alone... I am bored...

(142 days late)

This is not a world to live forever

 This is not a world to live forever.
- H.R. Haggard

Here I am in collage... alone

Here i am, in collage... alone, yes all alone. isnt it sad?

well, ive been writing reading, everithing necesary to be somewhat interesting.... not that i diont do these just for that. I truly like to read and write and say uinteresting stuff, and i enjoy art.... i really enjoy art. anyway, I really think i might be in the worng place -like always- 

Today ive found how almost everyone u can tlk to, can be a really interesting person.... yet i havent got a chance to click with anyone.

is there something wrong with me?... am i really a bad person and i cant see it?

man, im frustrated right now, im lost, im confused, im really out of my mind. i dont know wot else to do.... i want to *be* with someone. 

Its not like im alone ina corner, but everymorning when i get to class, i have noone to si besides to.

this is confusing post, yet i need to say something.... i have a lot of things to say and no one to say them to, and it seem thet just telling them to myself, is just not enough enymore.

(134 days late)