Some boy in the bus tried to psycho-analyze me once. He said something I'd never forget, "you fake a giggle once in a while, but you haven't really laughed in a lot, lot, of time"... It makes me think if I have ever really laughed at all.
Not long ago I wanted to be bullied really hard, having someone to push me, wedgie me and rip my underwear, kegging me in public. I was drunk with the idea of falling… low, wanted to fall as low as it was possible. Then I realized that I didn't want hate for hate’s sake, if someone wanted to keg me and wedgie me it had to be my friend. I don't want to get hazed by hate, when I got to execute my plan, I got gum in my hair, insults, comments at my back, thrown some spit papers… and realized I don't want that. Still, I want to show my underwear in public, but I want it to be with a soul mate.
What am I, An addict to rejection? Just to remember that I leaved Camilla flat proves it. I just don't help myself. I have no personality at all; all I am a copy of people I like (plus a lot of lies) you got me. I don't have a life either, because of my lack of friends I don't go out, don't know anyone, and don't do anything.
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