“You are Cruel… you and your black watery eyes… yet a hidden smile behind… You know you enjoy seeing me suffering for you… You know you receive delight in me stretching my hand into the abyss to hold you up… pleasure in my anguish, my pain.”
Life is cruel….
I don’t know how else to say it, so I’ll just say it… my sis told me she is going to kill herself… that’s right, she told me, she came to me while I was on the pc and told me… half hour later we were all watching TV re-runs…
I was… a jerk at first… then; I came to my sense… and became someone who I am really not sure it was me… I gave the lecture… yes that lecture everyone has been giving me since my last post. I was convincing her not to do it… I let her down completely; I was big bro to the rescue… “We love you” “there are dreams” “you can’t do this to us”
Then… I recommended a book… a book that really has helped me, but I won’t say which because its corny and I don’t want to feel that way… and finally, I just asked not to do it at home… because it would be too much of a trauma… god… I’m handling all wrong.
Worst she asked me not to tell anyone… and I’ve kept my word.
I feel, like, she has just changed the all my conceptions on who I am and what am I supposed to do… I haven’t done anything yet! I’m so weak… I can’t, I just can’t figure out
(19 days late)
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