Not a morning goes by ,that I don’t wish somehow, I wake up on the 30th of May, being eleven years old and knowing everything that’s going to happen ever since. I imagine the bliss of realizing that it was just a bad dream. I wish I could wake up and do it differently, be different, do more than hold a girls hand, do better than drying at night... I don’t want to forget what years of deception have taught me, I just want to live them again knowing what I already know...
I keep thinking and day dreaming on all the things I wished I had done, all the things I wish I could do.
It’s driving me insane...
It really hurts to remember things that never were; it really hurts to keep reliving decisions that were never taken...
One of the most amazing things that ever happened to me in my life was the opportunity to travel to England, I was about 11, and I was a very sad kid... I stayed for about a month with my school classmates, in Bucks wood Grange, Uckfield, East Sussex you think I enjoyed it? Well no, you think I made amazing friends? no, I didn’t knew how to use an email and I hardly spoke to anyone over there, all I can remember is a boy named Joshua, blonde kid, that was our roommate. You think I remember my teachers? NO! Did I learn something new? No! all I did was bought some lame stuff, I bought superman and batman action figures and a Magic School Bus book Recently I’ve seen the website of bucks wood and I can hardly recognize anything, the school has grown so much, I don’t remembers anyone’s name... there was a time I did, I knew all my teacher names, specially the French teacher. The first and only time I held a girls hand was over there, as we crossed the street recklessly and jeopardized her life.
I kept a diary there? But left it behind when I came back to this forgotten space of the world. I regret that so much now...
Sadness is endless, regrets infinite, sorrow boundless and chances to fix everything... inexistent
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