“Let’s pretend, that I moved on… then I’ll tell myself that life goes on”

“Let’s pretend, that I moved on… then I’ll tell myself that life goes on”

Now that I am about to do something actually exiting, I immediately shut down. I fill myself with illusions, hope and daydreams, but end up not doing anything.
I realize that something is missing…
Every night when I get to my room I try to forget about the outside world, everything seems to be calm, and I forget, and disappear. But tonight I decided to not close my eyes and see myself; and after taking that close look the only thing I found was a disastrous mess.
Today is December the 11th of the year 2007 and I realize that my life is messed up enough to make an attempt to change it.
I know I just have like a year and a half of life left and since the first of January I’ll start keeping a diary; for now that seems like the best I can do.